Category Archives: Uncategorized

Smaller Adventure News: BRRRR! Edition

Posted on by
3
1. Let me just start out by stating unequivocally that I LIKE the Olympics, all of the Olympics, even the Winter Olympics. The ice dancing, the speed skating, the cross-country skiing – I’m in for the whole three months, or however long they run. That being said, I feel you should also know that I have a doily collection, can’t be seen over my steering wheel, watch The Biggest Loser religiously, and have taken to cutting fruit into small sections to save for later. So what, right? I love the hope of the games, the back stories, the grace. In short, I am Joe Viewer in a rapidly aging demographic.

My students are completely uninterested about this epic athletic tournament. I asked them what was going on in the world of sports, and, I kid you not, they told me that the WWF had a new Smackdown Battleship Deathstar Cage Battle, or something like that.

I am part of a dying breed.
2. What if you had a dentist who was a doctor of double entendre; an oral surgeon who would do color commentary while he “practiced.” (Oooh! Tell me more!) An innuendodontist, if you will. Maybe it would go a little something like this,,,
Dr.: Good Morning! Do you see my pulsating, vibrating probe? How’d you like me to put that in your mouth?! Hahaha!
Patient: Well, I don’t know…
Dr.: I don’t care! I’m going to drill you now, like you’ve never been drilled before! Open wide and take it!
Patient: Brrnmmmgh!
Dr.: Hahaha! There! Yeah! I’ll bet that feels great! Yeah! You had a lot of grinding! Yeah! I’ll bet you like to grind at night! Even if nobody else is around, I’ll bet you’re just grinding away!
Patient: Grmmphh?
Dr.: That’s right! Who needs a good flossing?
I could go on, but I think you get the point. Clever, huh? Bet you’ve never thought of that!
3. So, if you live in the U.S., chances are, you’ve gotten some snow lately. Big fat, record- breaking, wet flakes came down steadily in my little town, clean, beautiful and somewhat surreal, muffling traffic and making everything seem simple, peaceful and elemental. Of course, that kind of charm wears off quickly. Moving around in the snow kind of sucks. Snowmotion is much like driving a Toyota: smooth and dependable for a time, just long enough to lull you into a false sense of security, so that you congratulate yourself on your prudence and skill, and then a sudden, extreme, uncontrollable acceleration that leaves you cursing and crying. Three inches of snow and I slipped on the driveway. Five inches and I skidded in front of Starbucks. Eight inches and I wiped out on my front steps. Twelve inches and I called in sick to work. I do love a snow day. http://smalleradventure.blogspot.com/2009_01_01_archive.html
snowfall cartoons, snowfall cartoon, snowfall picture, snowfall pictures, snowfall image, snowfall images, snowfall illustration, snowfall illustrations
Of course, that was before my electricity went out for four days. Do you know how much you use electricity? A lot. Really a lot.
4. This commercial is excellent. I said it and I mean it. I’m on a horse.
Have I mentioned I still can’t embed?
5. Updates: I finished Let the Great World Spin. I loved it.
I figured out that if you talk about CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG in your blog, people will hit that site. Holla, Cornwall!
I am still way into the Spoon cd. I dance, I sing. I really ought to learn the words.
Mr. Eagleman still hasn’t called me. Bastard.
Special shout out: Hello, Cheryl! I’m pleased as all get out that you like my blog! I can’t wait to meet you!

Three Things You May Not Know About Me: #s 2 & 3

Posted on by
2

Hi-dee-ho! I have received several comments from busy readers who say that my posts are too long to read. Normally I’d advise them to piss off and learn how to take time to observe greatness, but as it is the last day of the new year, I decided to post two more tiny tidbits about me in a second entry, to make it a little more bite-sized for you of the internet generation who have the attention span of a gnat. As the sign said over my grandparents’ toilet, “I aim to please.” Of course, that was followed by, “You aim too, please!” Ah, punctuation! You slay me! Anyhoo, without further a doo-doo -I couldn’t help it, since I had already started with the toilet humor- here are two more things about me:

#2: Knot Hot – Yesterday, all day, I wore I neckerchief tied in a fetching knot because I thought it looked jaunty. In the evening, to look a bit more festive, I wore it in a band around my head. This tells me I am officially too old for hip things, like my aforementioned kicks (see previous post for more than you ever wanted to know about my kicks.) Modern cool kids don’t even know what a neckerchief is, never mind the joy of a jaunty, fetching or even rakish accessory. I am only cool if you have a fetish for Braniff stewardesses circa 1962 or for Daphne from Scooby Doo.


Actually, Daphne’s still pretty hot.

#3 – Cheese, Glorious Cheese! There are few things more satisfying on a cold winter’s day than cheese and cheese -based products. Cheese is the little black dress of food; it can be dressed up or down, depending on the occasion. It goes smoothly from: “Wine and cheese, monsieur? Can I interest you in an amuse bouche of baked brie and pear?”; to: “Hey, Loritia! Don’t be hoggin’ all the nacho cheese with yer finger! I gots to have some left fer my chip!” or, “Fire Hot Cheetos rocks my world, yo!” Cheese comes out of a cow, sheep, goat, soybean or a can. It’s ubiquitous. It represents nations (Swiss or American); home (cottage cheese); love (nothin’ speaks of a mother’s love like home made mac & cheese), and a beautiful melange of the elements (tuna = sea, melt=land and sun, the way I inhale a tuna melt= air.) Cheesecake, Cheezey Poofs, Cheese burger, Queso, Fromage, cream cheese, Cheese logs, Broccoli Cheese soup, Stuffed Jalapenos, Fried Cheese, Blue Cheese, the stinkier the better, cheese, cheese, are you ready for your close-up , I say cheese, I LOVE YOU CHEESE!

That was the third thing about me. I really like cheese.

Here is a picture I took of cheese in France. It has gray fur on it and oozes a beige, pus-like substance. I still ate it. That’s how much I like cheese.

Three Things You May Not Know About Me: #s 2 & 3

Posted on by
2

Hi-dee-ho! I have received several comments from busy readers who say that my posts are too long to read. Normally I’d advise them to piss off and learn how to take time to observe greatness, but as it is the last day of the new year, I decided to post two more tiny tidbits about me in a second entry, to make it a little more bite-sized for you of the internet generation who have the attention span of a gnat. As the sign said over my grandparents’ toilet, “I aim to please.” Of course, that was followed by, “You aim too, please!” Ah, punctuation! You slay me! Anyhoo, without further a doo-doo -I couldn’t help it, since I had already started with the toilet humor- here are two more things about me:

#2: Knot Hot – Yesterday, all day, I wore I neckerchief tied in a fetching knot because I thought it looked jaunty. In the evening, to look a bit more festive, I wore it in a band around my head. This tells me I am officially too old for hip things, like my aforementioned kicks (see previous post for more than you ever wanted to know about my kicks.) Modern cool kids don’t even know what a neckerchief is, never mind the joy of a jaunty, fetching or even rakish accessory. I am only cool if you have a fetish for Braniff stewardesses circa 1962 or for Daphne from Scooby Doo.


Actually, Daphne’s still pretty hot.

#3 – Cheese, Glorious Cheese! There are few things more satisfying on a cold winter’s day than cheese and cheese -based products. Cheese is the little black dress of food; it can be dressed up or down, depending on the occasion. It goes smoothly from: “Wine and cheese, monsieur? Can I interest you in an amuse bouche of baked brie and pear?”; to: “Hey, Loritia! Don’t be hoggin’ all the nacho cheese with yer finger! I gots to have some left fer my chip!” or, “Fire Hot Cheetos rocks my world, yo!” Cheese comes out of a cow, sheep, goat, soybean or a can. It’s ubiquitous. It represents nations (Swiss or American); home (cottage cheese); love (nothin’ speaks of a mother’s love like home made mac & cheese), and a beautiful melange of the elements (tuna = sea, melt=land and sun, the way I inhale a tuna melt= air.) Cheesecake, Cheezey Poofs, Cheese burger, Queso, Fromage, cream cheese, Cheese logs, Broccoli Cheese soup, Stuffed Jalapenos, Fried Cheese, Blue Cheese, the stinkier the better, cheese, cheese, are you ready for your close-up , I say cheese, I LOVE YOU CHEESE!

That was the third thing about me. I really like cheese.

Here is a picture I took of cheese in France. It has gray fur on it and oozes a beige, pus-like substance. I still ate it. That’s how much I like cheese.

Posted on by
1

This is, by far, my favorite Christmas song of all times. You know it, you’ve seen it, but in the spirit of the holidays, go ahead and click on it. You’ll be glad you did. I raise a glass of sweet-assed wine to you all, and hope that everyone is having a terrific holiday season, and at least one, if not three, very healthy ho’s.
By the way, if someone could help me to embed videos, that’d be a real fine gift.

Passing Phase?

Posted on by
2

I got a feeling, it’s incomplete
I got a feeling, and then it got to me…
Spoon

I think I am on the cusp. Really it’s a scary place to be, because A.) I might have to change, and B.) because I realize that unless I put my money where my mouth is and get off my ass and jam, I will heretofore live in a world of shameful regret. Nobody wants that shit. It’s awful when you have nobody to blame but yourself.
I have a friend, Orlando, who once said, “Don’t let the beauty of this world blind you from the beauty of others.” He’s got a point. I have so many things going on in this world that are positive. I have my family, whom I adore. They are everything to me. I have my girl friends, which is new to me; I’ve been a guy’s girl for most of my life. I have students who love me. They compliment me on my ponytail. That’s really kind, and sort of a deceptive, desperate pandering, but I don’t mind. I have all these people who are pulling for me, hoping I’ll make it, praying for my personal fulfillment, and I’m healthy and wealthy and live in a world of opportunity. And yet, I am getting more and more stagnant and depressed. I want to help myself, but I am so afraid to go from the fire into the frying pan. I am confined to the idea that this feeling is just a passing phase, which it may well be. What will I do? Will I leave all that is sure and holy to venture into the unknown and see what’s what out there? That’s just not like me. What about the garden? What about my parents? Still, I could change, and try something new. I do like a good adventure, and there are a million ways to be happy. I am liminal, with one foot in one reality and one in a fantasy. I ask you, what shall I do?

Photophrenic

Posted on by
2

So, I stumbled upon this photographer today, and my heart went all aflickr (get my hip, web-savvy reference?!), on account of I think this guy is soooo cool. His stuff is hyper-real and focused, and he elevates ordinary subjects to the sublime, twisted, or extraordinary. I find his pictures to be evocative and surreal. Really, I was almost giddy with the joy of discovering that which I consider inspirational. (By the way, I talk like this in real life. You won’t see me ending a sentence with a preposition- well, except in those frequent cases where I choose to ignore the rule on the grounds of artistic perrogative, and ‘giddy’ isn’t just for breakfast anymore, I tell you what!) I figured I’d just go ahead and post his link on my blog, even though I know you probably won’t check him out, no matter how I rave on about his work. Still and all, I like to spread the wic around.

Then I started thinking, what do I know about hip, or wic, or cool? I am the anti-Hip WcCool. I say, “What’s the haps, Paps?” My favorite joke is about a slug, and all I remember is the punchline. I like to garden and have a doily collection. That’s right, you heard me. Need I say more? Besides, this fo-tog (kinda cool, right?) is kind of dark, broody and dramatic. Maybe he’s too obvious, over the top. Maybe I don’t know what real art is. After all, I’m no artist.

And another thing: who cares what I like or don’t like? Who am I to tell you, “Hey, check this out!! You’ll love it!” Really, when you think about it, how arrogant is the whole nature of blogging? It’s as if one day I woke up and thought, “Hey! I am so hot! Look at me! Yeah, I’m talking to you! You need to check me out! I’m a genius! Do it! You will thank me later! I will change your life! I will turn you on to all the things that I love, like cheese and the color green! I will teach you, nay, I will expand your mind, about lady pirates and breast augmentations and quotes from people you may or may not have heard of! I will alert you to the horrors of pigeons and gangs of marauding raccoons and parasites that worm their way into your body via your urine stream! Good times! Stick with me, and I’ll talk about bad tv and the weird duck I saw when I rode my bike around the lake! WOOOHOO!!!!”

But then I thought, “You really bonded with Tufty” – that’s what I named the duck- and “Lots of people like to think about green and The Biggest Loser!” I’m interesting, right?

And then I thought, “Wait a minute! For whom did you start this blog? I seem to remember, little missy, a certain someone saying to herself, “I like to write! Wouldn’t it be fun to write about anything I want, and then guilt my family and friends into reading it?!” Don’t I write this blog because I like to write, like I’m flexing a dormant muscle, like I enjoy expressing myself, like its a creative outlet that makes me smile and relaxes me? Don’t I feel compelled? I do, I do! And don’t I post it because I am ready to bust out of my diary ad into the world, for anyone or no one, but hopefully for someone, who will read it and smile, or think, or sigh? In the end, don’t we all want to connect to someone else, to share time and experience and feeling, to touch and feel those around us? I do, I do! Pick me!

And then I thought, “Jeez, Louise! What the hell is wrong with you! Just post the guys link and let the chips fall where they may!!!!”

Here’s the link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brettwalker Click on any of the collections on the right side, select slideshow, and make up your own mind. I’d be very interested in what you think, so let me know if you feel inclined.

That’s what she said!

Posted on by
1

Quotes:
My cousin Alisa, when talking about health care – “Come on, people! Can’t we all just get a lung?”
“I believe in the sun, even when it isn’t shining. I believe in love, even when not feeling it. I believe in God, even when he is silent.”-Inscription on the wall where Jews were hiding from the Nazis.
“Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.”-Frank Lloyd Wright
“I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it shall be behind me.” (Composer Max Reiger in response a critic’s letter.) Think about it….think…there ya go!
Pereant, iniquit, aui ante nos nostra dixcrunt. (Confound those who have said our remarks before us.)
“In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.”
“The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Everything that I have done in my life that was worthwhile, I’ve caught hell for.” -Chief Justice Earl Warren
“I had a teacher named Clayford T. Grimm…”-my friend Charles, beginning a story
“Come on, Suckles!” – my friend Mark, urging the end of that story
“Mick Jagger is definitely a robot. They’re doing some experimental shit on him for sure – head in a jar shit, I mean!” -,McAdams, on a road trip.
“Well, ok, life is beautiful! Au revoir!” -My mom, upon hanging up the phone with me.
“Yeah, men melt like butter for you. They melt like butter, and then they leave a greasy stain on whatever you’re wearing.” -Carole “Good Times” Claybour, when I was telling her about how the menfolk just can’t get enough of me.

“The worst part of having pets is knowing they can’t be with you for your entire life. The best part of having a pet is being with them for theirs.” I may have gotten the wording wrong. My friend Lillie said something like this when we were having to euthanize our family dog, Lily. My favorite quotes are the ones like “Loose lips sink ships”. I always mix them up and say them completely wrong but the point gets across somehow….”Don’t throw stones on a glass boat?” “Hey, black kettle! Don’t call me Pot.” – From Emily, who is pretty in pink.

Got any more, blogsters? Bring it!

Is it just me?

Posted on by
Reply

I just read an article in Time magazine online about Sarah Palin’s first big speech to an audience abroad, a group of investors in Hong Kong. Not too much is known about the content of the approximately 90 minute speech, because all press was banned, though people interviewed later said the oratory was heavy on a matter of a global interest: Alaska. Ms. Palin spoke of relevant Alaskan history, such as “Alaska’s land bridges with Asia and how animals once went across.”
I gotta say, I just loved this article. Read it yourself if you’d like: http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1925657,00.html The best part of it were the last lines: Shown a picture of Palin, a woman surnamed Ng, who operated a food stand near the Grand Hyatt, professed to not know who she was. “If she is rich and famous, then maybe she goes shopping nearby,” said Ng from behind her counter. “Afterward, she can come eat my fishballs.”

Sarah Palin can eat my fish balls. Classic, right?

Like I Always Say, or “Whatchu talkin’ bout, Willis?”

Posted on by
1

School is in session. In the words of countless 6th graders across our great nation, “School sucks.” Be that as it may, I was pleasantly surprised this week when one of my favorite students, Cristal, used a C.S. Lewis quote in her introductory writing sample: “It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.” What a great quote! Lewis also said, “Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.” Classic. Also kind of hot, in a 6th grade kind of way.

Personally, I love a good quote. I like what they say about the person who speaks them, how they effect and are interpreted by the listener, truths they tell, and lies they spread. Andy Warhol said, “Art is what you can get away with.” Carl Jung stated, “What we do not make conscious emerges later as fate.”

Music inspires many good sayings. Huxley said, “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music,” while George Bernard Shaw observed that “Hell is full of musical amateurs.” Elvis Presley said, “I don’t know anything about music. In my line, you don’t have to.” My friend Reed defined his own work as ” just another 3-chord, hate-filled song.” This band of truly skanky girls I saw -I think their name was “Screamin’ Lez”-opened their set with, “This song goes out to your asshole!” They went into their ballad, ‘Sadness and Sorrow’, which had the haunting refrain of “Eat my crusty heart.” They had me at ‘asshole’. My friend Pat said, “I’ve thought about this for years, and the best name for a band I can come up with is ‘Awesome Boner’. First impressions are key.” Paul McCartney, famed lyricist, had a huge hit with these words: “Someone’s knocking at the door. Somebody’s ringing the bell. Do me a favor – open the door. Let him in.” Truer words were never spoken.

Sometimes I don’t understand quotes, but I like them anyway. Regina Spekter warns, “Beware of the weak; they’ll inherit your legs.” Dorothy Parker, a woman I usually find to be utterly sensible, wrote, “While there are hands above the table, there’s hope.” Hope of what? I can only speculate. My four year old niece says that “women are ladybugs; boys are fungus.” She may have a point there. My mom once gleefully proclaimed, “I was an oyster and the world was mine!” Bravo, Mom! You are the Alexander the Great of oysters, no doubt! I wrote down this quote by my friend Scheleen: “My mind’s all full of hog; I can’t think!” Swine Flu? Mad Pig Disease? It probably made sense at the time, but even if it didn’t, I like to use it in casual conversation whenever I can.

Actually, I have made a couple of other people’s quotes my own, but they are mostly nasty. Queens of the Stone Age sum up a feeling I know all to well when they say, “Ain’t no glory this side of the hole.” A friend of mine told me a story about something David Lee Roth said at a gig before launching into a famous Van Halen cover song, “Ice Cream Man.” I forget the quote exactly (that happens a lot), but it goes a little something like this: “There are only two flavors of ice cream: vanilla, and dick!” (That’s pretty funny, but now that I write it down, I think I may have gotten this one mostly wrong. Whatev! Who reads this much of the post anyway?) This leads me to my next favorite quote that I have stolen. In the tv show ‘Weeds’, Kevin Nealon’s character is upset because he is faced with doing some serious jail time. Worried, he begins to think out loud. “I can’t got jail,” he moans. “There’s no sushi in jail – unless you count dick!” Maybe I just like to say the word ‘dick’.

The only quote I use that I actually made up myself is: “Life may not be long, but it sure can be wide.” I think it’s real deep.

Anyhoo, here’s the third Writer’s Challenge: SEND IN YOUR QUOTES! They can be famous or infamous, yours or someone else’s, inspirational, profound, enigmatic or ridiculous. If you don’t send some in, I’ll write more. I got a million of ’em.

BONUS: Check out the “Blog of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks, which is where I got the picture at the top of this post, and then used “by permission”. http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/