Smaller Adventure News: BRRRR! Edition

1. Let me just start out by stating unequivocally that I LIKE the Olympics, all of the Olympics, even the Winter Olympics. The ice dancing, the speed skating, the cross-country skiing – I’m in for the whole three months, or however long they run. That being said, I feel you should also know that I have a doily collection, can’t be seen over my steering wheel, watch The Biggest Loser religiously, and have taken to cutting fruit into small sections to save for later. So what, right? I love the hope of the games, the back stories, the grace. In short, I am Joe Viewer in a rapidly aging demographic.

My students are completely uninterested about this epic athletic tournament. I asked them what was going on in the world of sports, and, I kid you not, they told me that the WWF had a new Smackdown Battleship Deathstar Cage Battle, or something like that.

I am part of a dying breed.
2. What if you had a dentist who was a doctor of double entendre; an oral surgeon who would do color commentary while he “practiced.” (Oooh! Tell me more!) An innuendodontist, if you will. Maybe it would go a little something like this,,,
Dr.: Good Morning! Do you see my pulsating, vibrating probe? How’d you like me to put that in your mouth?! Hahaha!
Patient: Well, I don’t know…
Dr.: I don’t care! I’m going to drill you now, like you’ve never been drilled before! Open wide and take it!
Patient: Brrnmmmgh!
Dr.: Hahaha! There! Yeah! I’ll bet that feels great! Yeah! You had a lot of grinding! Yeah! I’ll bet you like to grind at night! Even if nobody else is around, I’ll bet you’re just grinding away!
Patient: Grmmphh?
Dr.: That’s right! Who needs a good flossing?
I could go on, but I think you get the point. Clever, huh? Bet you’ve never thought of that!
3. So, if you live in the U.S., chances are, you’ve gotten some snow lately. Big fat, record- breaking, wet flakes came down steadily in my little town, clean, beautiful and somewhat surreal, muffling traffic and making everything seem simple, peaceful and elemental. Of course, that kind of charm wears off quickly. Moving around in the snow kind of sucks. Snowmotion is much like driving a Toyota: smooth and dependable for a time, just long enough to lull you into a false sense of security, so that you congratulate yourself on your prudence and skill, and then a sudden, extreme, uncontrollable acceleration that leaves you cursing and crying. Three inches of snow and I slipped on the driveway. Five inches and I skidded in front of Starbucks. Eight inches and I wiped out on my front steps. Twelve inches and I called in sick to work. I do love a snow day.
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Of course, that was before my electricity went out for four days. Do you know how much you use electricity? A lot. Really a lot.
4. This commercial is excellent. I said it and I mean it. I’m on a horse.
Have I mentioned I still can’t embed?
5. Updates: I finished Let the Great World Spin. I loved it.
I figured out that if you talk about CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG in your blog, people will hit that site. Holla, Cornwall!
I am still way into the Spoon cd. I dance, I sing. I really ought to learn the words.
Mr. Eagleman still hasn’t called me. Bastard.
Special shout out: Hello, Cheryl! I’m pleased as all get out that you like my blog! I can’t wait to meet you!

3 thoughts on “Smaller Adventure News: BRRRR! Edition

  1. First, did I show you that commercial, cause I'm obsessed with it in a way that some people are obsessed with staring at fire.

    Second, I would like to reiterate something. If the innuendodontist does not get his own show on the Fox Network then, well, this may not be a world I want to live in anymore.

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