I am the president of the “…and another thing.” Well, maybe not the president; my sister and my friend Trixie can and another thing you death, but I am at least the Ambassador to Canada of “…and another thing.” For reasons unfathomable even to myself, I am basically unable to get out a complete thought, opinion or statement in just one sentence. Or one sitting. I will say something like, “I am going to Whole Foods. I need to get stuff for dinner. I’m considering spaghetti. But I always forget if you are supposed to boil the water first and then add the noodles, or the other way around. You’d think I’d know by now. And another thing – I always make too much spaghetti, and then I have to eat it for days. Why is it that no matter how much you crave spaghetti, you’re pretty much over it after you’ve had a bowl full? And another thing I’m like that with: tacos. They’re really good and all, but once I’ve had my fill, I am done with the taco! But you know what I’m not like that with? Those deep-fried, kind of gross, faux-cheddar cheese stuffed jalapenos that come frozen and are served in crappy dives throughout the South. Man, I love those things! I could eat a billion of them! And another thing I could eat forever: blueberries! One time, I ate so many blue berries in one sitting that…”
You get the idea. And that was just when I’m talking to myself. Fortunately, as I think I have made abundantly clear, I don’t really need anyone else to uphold his/her end of the conversation in order to get me to open up. Worse still, I often forget what I’ve already said- there’s just so much of it!- and so, maybe minutes, maybe days later, I will repeat myself. Or I’ll remember the conversation, but will feel compelled to revisit it and add just one more thing.
I am trying to choose my words wisely and say less, with the hopes that what I choose to say will be more meaningful and significant, as opposed to the many, many things I utter that are trivial, uninteresting or trite. But I doubt that’s going to happen.
And another thing that I am trying to cut down on is all that is whiny, high pitched or mumbled. Probably won’t be too successful with that one either. You may or may not recall what happened to me when I tried to stop complaining back in Aught Nine. If you wish to review, look through the post labels on the right side of the blog and click on the ones labelled complaints or complaining. I another thinged three times before I got that one out of my system.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing about this is because I just wrote a long post about 10/10/2010, and it turns out I’m not done. I have another thing. Or two.
“Angry Ventriloquist” by Edie Brickell. Copyrighted, you dirty image thief.
THINGS PEOPLE SAY
These are other things that have come through my email, again used without permission:
“BTW, I love the word SEGUE. It’s the ultimate F-U to sound it out.” -K.E.
“You are not on Facebook.” -Scott
“You could pick a totally silly fictitious name to get on FB just to spy on everyone and not tell anyone your fake name.” -LSD
TO Scott, FROM me: Duh! Thanks for the update! Did you think I just forgot to sign up for the most massive, cult like, stalkerish, Big-Brother-would-be-proud social media network into which my generation has ever willingly mass-enrolled?
TO LSD, FROM me: Or, I could just call everyone and say something like, “Hey, what’s up?” Since I actually know all the people I care about, it’s a pretty good system…
And another thing – I saw Catfish recently. I liked it. It made me think about identity, and all the people that are wrapped inside of a single being. And another thing it made me think about: how Facebook sucks!
“One day [at the post office] there was this really skanky neighborhood girl in line in front of me. She was leaning against the government-issued clock on the wall, trying to be sexy and flirting with the young guys behind the counter. As she leaned on the clock, the wire screen protector over the clock came unhinged and loudly crashed to the floor. The startled post office guys warned her that she’d better quickly pick it up. She sheepishly replied, “I cain’t…I ain’t got no panties on.” After I told that story at [my job] the phrase echoed…as the all-purpose excuse to avoid getting out of work. I should say an all-purpose excuse, as there were many, including the very popular ‘I’m too high’.” -L
My dad sent me this. He’s a bit of a religious scholar.
Also, another thing: My friend Jonob – not his real name, but funnier this way- sent me these outstanding Tell It In Ten additions:
On a Doomed Relationship:
Christ, I’m fucking bored. I need to get some strange.
On the Cusp of Change:
Autumn has come so fast. I barely smelled summer’s sweat.
Shall we have Tell it In Ten Again? OK! We will! Writer’s Challenge #5 is to sum up thoughts about the following three topics or themes:
The First Time
If you know me, email your submissions. If you don’t know me, post in the comment box and then I’ll delete them and publish them officially at a later date. Whoever you are, be sure to let me know how you would like to be credited. Come on people! Don’t leave me hangin’! Get them creative juices gushin’! I shouldn’t have to be the only one writing this blog, right?
I’d like to get started on it right this second, but I cain’t – I ain’t got no panties on.
One other thing…
Here are three stellar songs about psycho killers but that are not actually the song that is called “Psycho Killer”:
WARNING: These are about psycho killers! They are creepy and disturbing! Watch at your own peril!
“Tyler” by The Toadies
“Stan” by Eminem (NOTE- This one is a little lame because it’s all censored up, but still)
“Westfall” by Okkervil River (There are many live versions, but this way you can really hear the lyrics)
Two other things…
Can anyone tell me why I can no longer post these blogs in a colored font?
You are on facebook. Don't lie. I know the truth.
And another thing: My dad used to sing the song "Psycho Killer" to me at bedtime when I was smaller than I am now. I would request it.
And another thing: I'm really ready for this "movie" to end. Eff this job.
And another thing: we have a ton of TV to watch and I need to drink a ton. Can we please eat cheese?