I’ve wanted to write, really. It’s just that all my posts would be about sweat, vegetables and naps. I’m taking this summer vacation thing very seriously. Of course, I could write about the myriad things that are going on in the world, but the only way I can express it is in rants. I’m angry and sad about the state of our union, and the messed up things that are going on in the world; it’s all so disheartening!

Truthfully, I’ve been in a serious writing funk for a long time now. I start things, but they peter out; I take a walk to clear my head, or get inspired, and end up thinking about how much sweat I expend, or how I need to water my garden to attempt to get some vegetables out of it, or how walking makes me sleepy, and I need to take a nap. Nothing is coming to me, and I just can’t find the words. I think my brain is getting broiled. But, loyal readers, I’m not going down without a fight! This ought to cheer me up – for my re-entry into the blogosphere,  I’m going to do what all the cool kid bloggers are doing out there – I am going to live tweet the RNC, Make America Skate Again, 2016 edition! The only thing is, I can’t tweet, on account of I’m not on twitter, and it’s not live in the sense that you will read it in real time, but I’m eschewing grammar and spelling to make my observations appear spontaneous.

 I watched last night, and since the adorable and always super sweet Olivia Newton-John wasn’t there, it seemed a little more like the Make America Shake edition. There’s a lot of ‘hell in a hand basket’ rhetoric. (What a weird phrase that is! Aren’t most baskets supposed to be held in the hand? If things are so bad that we are all going to hell, wouldn’t the image be more like we were all hurtling chaotically to casa del diablo, instead of all gathered neatly in a hand basket, arguably one of the slower forms of transportation? Why do we say that? Is that even how the saying goes?) The RNC is convinced that we should be very, very scared, and that we are becoming a nation divided into “Us” (White people? People over 50? Christians? Duck Dynasty?) and “Them” (Anyone who doesn’t spit and cross himself when the name Clinton is dared to be breathed.) “Us” are normal, good people, and “Them” are coming for us. It is true that things are really scary out there. I hope that fire isn’t flamed into a holocaust. (See what I did there?)

It also could have been called the Make America Hate edition. So much fear leads to a seething hatred for that which is different, new, or unknown. I understand that. I hate many things about this political season. Readers, you may not have guessed this about me, but I am not completely unbiased. In fact, my own father calls me a “knee jerk liberal.” I hate that, too. I don’t like being reduced to a non-thinking stereotype…and yet, I find myself judging others that way. It’s wrong, but I think those who are pompous, blowhard braggarts, who have a blatant and unrepentant disregard for facts or truth, who are bullies,  misogynists, racists, and elitists, who are self-serving, crass, and lack integrity, and who have mouths like liver-spotted assholes, represent the very worst stereotypes of the truly ugly Americans. I hate that.

The RNC hates Hillary. That’s mostly what they hate.

Anyhoo, I watched most of last night’s convention; I had to turn it off when Chachi came on, because, like Joanie, I once loved him, and didn’t want my happy memories ruined. Not much was said about why I should like Donald, except by Melania, who apparently supports him just as much and for almost exactly the same reasons as Michelle Obama supports her husband. I Googled Melania after the speech, because I was impressed by her words. Here are some other words she wrote “with as little help as possible”.

“Call me Ishmael!” Melania Trump

“The bird, bird, bird, I said the bird is the word.” Melania Trump

“Nobody puts baby in a corner!” Melania Trump

“All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.” Melania Trump

That last one was really George Orwell. Gotcha! If I was to rewrite that quote, I’d make it more specific and less open to interpretation. My version goes, “all animals are equal, but seals more than otters, and snake head fish, nutria, and Monitor Lizards are not to be trusted, ever.”

But I digress.

Tonight:

7:08 – RNC to Alaska: Huh? What? Are you talking to me, Frosty? Zip it, Frozen Tundra!

7:12- Oooh, Mitch McConnell, booed! Yikes! bet he’s looking forward to making his big support speech in front of this crowd later on!

I’m ignoring the guy from the UFC, because what do I care what a guy from the UFC thinks about anything? It’s just like when Antonio Sabato, Jr. spoke. It made me think: who the hell is Antonio Sabato, Jr.?

update: He’s a soap opera actor who is “absolutely sure” Obama is a Muslim. yeah…hard to care about whatever he has to say.

7:30 -Mean blonde lady from Arkansas totes guns and hates Hillary. I don’t get it – what’s this thing all about? To make people who hate Hillary hate Hillary more?

8:08 – Trump makes his appearance for tonight and assures us he will be seen every night during the convention. Huzzah!

8:09 – McConnell booed again! he had polio as a child. I just found that out. He hates Hillary. I knew that already. He said “scandals follow the Clintons like flies.” That’s a good one. Fine imagery. McConnell speaks as though he knows stuff. He’s very pro-Republican. That makes sense, as he’s the Majority Leader of the Senate. I’ll bet they will not boo when he leaves. I think he just blamed the spread of Zika on Dems. He still seems reluctant to support the Donald, but party before country, people, party before country.

update: They liked him! They really liked him!

8:19 – oh, no! It’s Paul Ryan! I’m really angry at him. I think he’s smart, and he is doing something he knows is wrong, because he wants partisan power. He starts by thanking Cleveland (great city!), and pandering to police. He is going for a jocular, jovial tone, and then turns strong and firm in his support of Trump/Pence. what a puss! He knows better! He knows Trump is unfit, and he supports him anyway! But wait, that appears to be all he has to say about Trump. Now he’s saying how bad liberal progressives are. He calls the DNC a ‘four day infomercial” – “Hello, black pot, what color are you?” asks the kettle. He says we have worse poverty under Obama, but it was Bush who left us on the brink of an economic disaster unparalleled since the ’30’s! He says the dems are the ones who make group identity divisive! What the hell? How can I see things so differently from… 

uh-oh…you’re losing your objectivity…pull out, valiant newsgirl, pull out! Reportage with integrity! You can do this!

Excellent speech, Paul Ryan. Rousing, eloquent, passionate. I wish you stood for good and not evil. 

8:37- Chris Christie. Another bully. I wonder what job he will have in the Trump government. Prince? Name-caller? Wedgie-giver? Swirly Master? He got the crowd up and on their feet chanting “Lock her up! Lock her up!” Can you guess who he is talking about? Hillary is responsible for Libya and ISIS. Hillary fights for Al Quaeda in Nigeria and is responsible for the Boko Haram kidnappings, and is therefore the enemy of women world wide. Hillary prostituted herself for Chinese cash. She is responsible for 400,000 dead in Syria. She opened our country to nuclear disaster by dealing with Iran, virtually ensuring the destruction of Israel in the process.(The crowd goes wild! Evangelists love the Jews!). She is a Putin supporter. (Wait a minute! I thought Trump and Putin were BFF’s!) Hillary loves Castro and supports cop killers! She puts herself ahead of America with her lies and self-serving interests! She is guilty! She is guilty! Lock her up! BURN THE WITCH!!!!!

Aww, peeps! It’s only 8:50, and I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m too biased, too partisan to report with humor and without vitriol. Plus, this whole scene is depressing me. The U.S. is so polarized. We see things so differently. I don’t know what will become of us. when Rodney King asked, “Can’t we all just get along?” he was mocked and maligned, and I didn’t understand why. Isn’t getting along the goal? I get it now. We won’t get along. We don’t have it in us.We are not evolving; we are just repeating patterns.

Also, I think this post will have to be deleted. It’s unprofessional. You’re bored, aren’t you? Bet you’re ready for a post about cucumbers, huh?

WOW! Update! Sleepy Tyrannosaurus Ben Carson pleads for reason to rule the minds of voters, and then, I kid you not, links Hillary Clinton to Lucifer, marking her as a disciple of Satan, and explaining how God will turn his back on those who support the Anti-Christ! Yowza!