Every summer I become obsessed with self-improvement. I guess because I have more time to think, I ponder ways to be stronger, smarter, faster, downright bionic. I want to be uber-cool, too and now that I am off for the summer, I have no room for excuses that keep me from being a superhero-timefighter-hipster. This concept fills me with optimism and a sense of possibility that is boundless.

Conversely, the more time I have, the more time I seem to waste. I have 1,001 plans, and I actually complete about 3 and 3/4 of them. (That is not a good percentage, but I don’t know how to convert fractions into percents, so I can’t tell you how bad it actually is. I meant to cover fractions, decimals and percents, along with basic American geography and at least one great Russian novel last year, but time ran out. Instead I learned about the tobacco worm and that asshole, Custer.) This wasting of time makes me hate myself, and since I am out of school and spend more time alone, I put off my fabulous plans in order to indulge in the self-loathing exercises that I usually just don’t have the time to delve into properly. It’s a cruel paradox.

Followers of this blog – and really, who wouldn’t become a follower after feasting your eyes on this literary haute cuisine?- might remember some of my past attempts at self improvement. I was going to stop complaining so much, but it almost killed me, so I had to take it back up, for health purposes. I was going to always talk like Matthew McConaughey, but, while I loved it -allright, allright, allright!- it began to interfere with my relationships. I was going to try to exercise every day and keep a journal of my activities, but then I started making entries like “ran to the bathroom” or “brushed teeth very vigorously”, and I knew that getting in shape was just not for me. I always try to write more, but that cuts into my blogtime, and I take my responsibility to you fans very seriously. That’s right, mama LUVS you!

This year I have decided that I will not abandon my quest to be perfect, but will just work on one goal a day. This week, every day, I will choose an objective and stick to it, if only for a day. That’s as doable as Angelina Jolie, right?