Angel Juice

What do they drink in heaven? That’s right; ADINA! This delectable, morally correct, holy-water -and -coffee concoction comes to you from the divine partnering of beverage Buddhas from Sobe and Odwalla. You’re probably curious about the truly unique and melodic name they gave their products; I know I was! According to literature from Adina Holistics, the company name is derived “…from the word “adina”, which loosely translates to ‘life in its holistic and spiritual dimension.” The press release didn’t mention from which language this word comes, but why quibble, right? I just thought Adina was beautiful, like a poem or an aria, but so deep, so fraught with meaning, so…holistic? Who knew? Adina sounds fascinating, right?
They also leave it up to me, the consumer, to figure out what makes the stuff so spiritual and righteous, though they do say it combines powerful antioxidants with it’s caffeine, and that it “…blends just the right ingredients.” The right ingredients? Those are my favorite ones! Antioxidants keep you young, and caffeine keeps you awake, so this is the perfect drink for time-fighting truckers! Hallelujah! As if the name and the blend and the pure goodness of the elixir wasn’t enough, under the cap of every product is an “herbalism” (how clever!) so you can think while you drink, like “hear no evil, see no evil, drink no evil.” Words to live by if I’ve ever heard them!
Finally, just when you’re hugging yourself with barely restrained glee, you notice the monkey. Adorable! Who doesn’t love monkeys?! John Craven, Founder of BevNet describes it as “…an irreverent monkey character…that’s fun and on point with what the mainstream but “trying to be healthy’ consumer is looking for.” Not only do monkeys always make me feel mainstream and healthy, but that’s just me in a nutshell! I say we all support ADINA! Let’s buy cases of the shit! I’ll make it easy for you … just write a big ol’ fat check -stock up now, save later!- and make it payable to ADINA. I’ll take care of all the rest! Yeah, you just fill in the amount, sign your John Hancock, and make it all payable to ADINA. That’s A-D-I-N-A, ADINA. Damn, I just love how that rolls off the tongue! Do it y’all! It’s spirtitual! With a name like ADINA, you know it’s got to be pure-D good and good for ya!

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